NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming and has been around since the early 1970s. The fact that it has stood the test of time and has developed further techniques and its use has been extended into a wide variety of arenas, is testament to its power and effectiveness.
For me, it is all about application. Learning ’stuff’ is fine, but its value lies in the positive impact on your life and daily experiences. Working in Education gives me the opportunity to exercise some of the skills of NLP with often ‘resistent materials’ in the shape of ‘challenging’ youngsters; teenagers who sometimes see little relevence for school and education in their lives. Many young people are great and are often open to the opportunities I offer, however, I mostly end up working with disaffected and to be blunt, sometimes unpleasant individuals that the school system struggles with. That’s where my greatest learnings take place. You can have all the techniques you like but when someone is negative and/or aggressive or otherwise ‘in your face’, that’s when all the theory comes to nought unless you really live the ‘code’.
Controlling your own emotions and state is vital, especially, if a youngster ‘kicks off’! Flexibility in your approach, a key NLP concept and way of being, is necessary if you are going to achieve a win-win outcome.
Helping them to control their feelings and seeking to understand where they are coming from is equally important . However, I always make it clear to the youngster that seeking understanding of their viewpoint is different to making it an excuse for unacceptable behaviour or attitude.
I explain, to youngsters that five years down the line, the world and its dog will not care that you did something because you were upset that mum and dad were going through an acrimonious divorce, or whatever the ‘reason’ you give for that action back then. Nevertheless, the consequences will follow you.
I often take them into the future in their minds, say, 5 years.
“In this future, 5 years from now, what will be the impact on your life if you choose this option?”
It’s important they come up with the ‘results’ and believe me sometimes it takes a while to get past the “Don’t know,” head down, unthinking ‘blocking’ strategy! I then get them to create ‘alternative’ futures, ones that are within the boundaries of likelihood, rather than ‘I’m a pop-star earning millions etc.’ “The X Factor” (American Idol in the USA) has got a lot to answer for!
Let me leave you with a brief NLP technique to help control your mood and state. Whatever you are feeling is simply what you’re feeling. It is, as Shakespeare rightly observed, neither ‘right nor wrong, but thinking makes it so.’ I would only add, does it help you or not? If not, why choose to stay that way when it can be changed?
Notice how you are feeling right now. Does it feel good or not so good? Would you like to feel better?
Shake that off by literally moving your self – if sitting, stand up and stretch, or bounce up and down on the balls of your feet. I am assuming that you are home, it’s not recommended on the bus or train unless you’re fine with the funny looks you’ll get!
Now, think of a happy memory, one where you felt really good.
Notice where the feeling is in your body.
Notice if the feeling is still or moving.
If it is moving, is it going fast, medium, or slow?
Speed it up – Does that make it feel better? If yes, keep it, if not, put it back to its original speed.
If it is still, move it, spin it and see how that feels. Better? Keep it. Not as good – make it still again.
Imagine that feeling flushing throughout your body from the head to the toes. Better? If yes, keep it! If not put it back to how it was.
You can flush it throughout your body and increase or decrease its speed. Experiment with what makes it better for you. No two people will be exactly the same because our neurology is wired according to our life’s experience. Remember, you can always put it back to its original ’settings’. That’s an example of the ’programming’ part of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. It’s an example of our habitual ways of thinking and behaving that have been established over time. The point is that, if it does not serve you well, you can change it for the better.
I’ll share some more ideas with you next time. Remember, it never has to stay the way it is now. Until next time – Go well.
